I was watching the movie, "Wonder Boy", with my 4 year old son. This movie
depicts the struggles and triumphs of a young boy with Treacher-Collins: a rare,
genetic disorder with disfiguring facial manifestations. He glared up at
me with his big, brown eyes and innocently asked, "am I like that boy?" I reflected on
the question for a moment and while my first thought was to answer, "no you aren't",
the one that came to me was, "yes you are just like him." I explained that regardless of
what we look like, most of us are similar with respect to our needs, abilities and our
desire to be loved. My son, with his symmetrical face, long dark eyelashes and perfectly
placed jawline, will have triumphs and struggles of his own. As a mother, I can only
hope that the struggles are few and far between and that they provide valuable
lessons for his life ahead. The triumphs, hopefully will guide him and keep him humble
at the same time. We, as parents need to embrace our child's differences whether
physical or emotional. Utilize them to bring confidence and humility. Gracefully guide
our sons and daughters through this complicated world of bullying, dysfunction and
greed. I find it difficult when I see teens who bully as well as those with drug
addictions, eating disorders, depression, mood disorders and poor relationships. I think
this is because I know that some of these children started their lives in loving
households with intentional parents. We are not untouchable. We are not truly in
control of our children's future nor should we be. But it is unnerving when I realize how little our enormous efforts now can fail us later. What can we do to raise genuine, kind
teens? Teens who do not judge others for their differences, physical or otherwise.
Teens who invite the peer sitting alone to join their lunch group. Teens who will step in
assertively between the bully and the bullied. Parenting is hard. I may not do everything
"right" or "by the book", however, when it comes to my children, I will always
aim to raise them to be gracious, kind and nonjudgemental. Hopefully, they will find
the common threads among them, their peers, colleagues and loved
ones.
